Ok…..I think doing this daily isn’t possible for me at this time. Work, kids, and counseling make it all but impossible. I actually am up late (for me) to get this out. I will write on here as often as I can. Remember that this is more for me to express the way I feel, than anything. I know some people may find this helpful or just a read, maybe even look forward to see how life is going. At any rate or reason, I will try to do my best at keeping this up and going. Thank you for the support and comments! It helps…..
What I have been up to…..lately.
Life in general keeps going with or without you. I had learned that a long time ago. For some reason I have been thinking about that a lot lately. Not so much as if I weren’t here what others would be doing. More along the lines of a positive reinforcement has been the thought. One major thing is that no matter what, the world will keep going, business as usual when you are gone. My question to myself is,”what can I do to make the most positive impact on those around me”?
What can i do to make the most positive impact on those around me? I can help in the usual ways…. Donate my time, find a cause, etc. Those don’t appeal to me in any way. I would just be going through the motions to get gains that really are fake. So what can I do to make a positive impact? I think this will be a never-ending question that will be continuously answered. I just need to keep this as a daily goal. It will help keep my mind off of things. Maybe even replace bad thoughts with good ones.
I will keep everyone posted with how this is going. As far as my PTSD, let’s just say that it has been a very serious struggle since my last log. I really don’t want to get into much detail but I really feel helpless for now. I know there are answers and it isn’t easy. So, I keep my head up the best I can and keep going forward as far as I can.
This morning I woke up in a panic….. I was determined to make this a good day! Everything that could go wrong did but it’s going to be a good day.
I went to work like usual. I have been looking for the positives in my day of negativity. The statement “it’s the little things”, is so true! I have learned to appreciate everything more. Staying focused on the things that matter to me the most.
Today I feel amazing!!!!!
Today has been a much better day. My night terrors were at a minimum last night. It was pretty much a normal day and I’m not complaining. When I think I’m at my breaking point and I can’t take anymore, I get a day like today.
This morning was like most Monday mornings. Woke up and went to work. I couldn’t get “back to normal” though. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t. I still can’t for that matter and it’s been longer than the usual time.
I think today I’m not going to write so much about my PTSD. I really don’t want to concentrate on the most difficult part of my life. I want to look at the things that keep me going. I want to look more at what makes me happy and gets me through the day.
…..Ok, scratch that idea….
Today has been really difficult to say in the least. I spent the day trying to “get over it”. I just can’t. I am doing everything I can not to isolate myself and keep positive. It is not easy at all and I am not to the point where I can even begin to understand. I do have a couple of doctors appointments in the next couple of weeks and I hope they can help. I am looking for answers and help because I really want to get back to myself. I am not the kind of person who feels sorry for myself or makes excuses. I like to confront problems so they can be solved. I want this solved, even though I know that it won’t be fully. I won’t give up……..
This is day one and I am not to sure what to do with this post. I do know I need to charge my computer before I get started…….
So, it’s charged and I still really don’t know where I am going with this or in which direction I am going. I do know that I need something to help with this PTSD thing. I need to stay occupied on other things so I don’t wonder into a deep thought or “flashbacks” of my past. A lot of the things I do everyday revolves around good positive thoughts and combating my memories. Who needs movies when you have life? Welcome to my journey….